Dear Diary...Since my entry into St. Patrick’s Seminary in 1985 and ordination in 1990, my sins are not those that would find a spot in the supermarket tabloids or even the front page of the San Francisco Examiner, noted for heralding such things.

My religious conversion put a halt on those. Yes, I still am a sinful person. However, like with most of us, my sins are sins of omission rather than commission. I try, as Saint Paul instructs (Ephesians 4:29-32), to do nothing that will sadden the Holy Spirit and to be "mutually forgiving just as God has forgiven us in Christ."

It is true that the best way to preach the Gospel is to live it day by day in what we say and do. That is difficult. My big problem in living the Gospel is my impatience when things are not going the way I want them to. As a by-product of impatience, I am also intolerant of delay and worse yet, intolerant of intolerance. So impatience is my big sin. It shows up in some of the strangest ways. Take for example in dealing with "Cousin Joyce". Joyce is not a blood cousin. She has learned that if she tells whoever answers the rectory phone, "This is Father Joe’s cousin, Joyce. Is he in?" that that phrase will get her through no matter what I’m doing at the time. I suppose I should be thankful that she uses "Father Joe" when she calls. Since the fifth grade, she has been calling me "Junior", since ordination, "Father Junior".

Joyce doesn’t call as much now that she has a computer and e-mail. Instead, almost every day, I now get an e-mail message from her. Her e-mail about my Lundgren article a few months ago was fierce in its criticism. Not only didn’t she like him she took aim at how I related my observations. She ripped apart my article, word by word, line by line. It is charitable to say that she is unhappy about my favorable impression of Republican Gubernatorial candidate, Dan Lundgren, a Catholic. Joyce is a die-hard Democrat.

In fairness, Joyce’s was not the only critical mail in response to my Lundgren article. I explained to her that the mail was running two and seven. Trying to be tolerant of her criticism, I pointed out that the seven contained favorable comments and donations to help print this newsletter, while her letter of criticism and the other one didn’t. It was as tolerant and subtle of a response as I could muster under the circumstances of my impatience with her inability to find the humor in the article I thought was "Pulitzer" material.

Was that the end of it? No way! Within a few days, Joyce sent me another e-mail containing something she is writing and asked me to look it over. She concluded with the comment, "If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all." Chutzpah is her maiden name. I didn’t respond

Yes, criticism is hard to handle, especially when it comes from "family". It is difficult for most of us to handle criticism, constructive or otherwise. Being a priest does not make it any easier. The effect of the Sacrament of Holy Orders is an increase of sanctifying grace, which make the priest a fit and holy minister in the discharge of his office and not the first step of sainthood. In just this past year in several of the Examiner’s articles, we’ve been painfully reminded that the imposition of hands by the bishop does not affect the recipient’s character and personality.

By our ordination we are invested with powers rather than with rights. These powers to celebrate mass, remit sins, preach, administer the sacraments, direct and minister to the Christian people are regulated by the laws of the Church and the jurisdiction of our Archbishop. He has the power to give and the right to take away the powers he has given. In using these powers, I am aware of my own shortcomings. I don’t measure up to some of the priests I have known and many of the priests with whom I am now associated. All the Pastors that I’ve worked with—Fathers Floro Arcamo, Wil Smith and Mike Harriman are amiable dedicated priests with gifts I wish I had.

There are many priests that I admire—Bishop Patrick McGrath and Bishop-elect John Wester are but two examples. I admire our Archbishop, William Levada. He is very supportive of the Charismatic Renewal. He is not the Darth Vader the newspapers reported we were getting when it was announced he was coming here from Portland. There are many fine men living the Gospel in their priestly ministry. Unfortunately, newspapers focus on those who don’t.

In retrospect, however, I probably had more shortcomings as a layperson. For example, being materialistic, with an avaricious business mentality and shortsightedness about what it meant to be Catholic. I especially did not see the priest as a person with all the shortcomings associated with being human. Placing the priests on a pedestal created doubts about my calling. How could I possibly measure up, with my sinfulness and flaws, to the impression I had created?

My reverence of priests came from personal experience with them as a child at St. Joseph’s Parish in Rio Vista. It also came from seeing the respect shown to them by my parents. One incident made a lasting impression. Back when men wore hats and I was a child, I remember my father taking off his hat as a sign of respect when the parish priest came up to us one morning after Mass. Parents will always be the first and hopefully the best teachers in showing respect.

Priesthood has been a marvelous experience even though the mail is running two to seven. Like most priests, I am overworked. However, my worst day in ministry, when I didn’t get to everything and everyone, and everything that could possibly go wrong has gone wrong--a day when I have been misunderstood and failed to understand, is still a better day than any before ordination. It is so because I now begin and end the day in prayer with Christ. In between those times, I try to live his Gospel. Sometimes I fail. Mostly I succeed. My anxiety about my calling melted. After a few months in the seminary I began to realize that God calls an assortment of men to priesthood. That fact became apparent when I began to study the scriptures. We may fail to fulfill His calling because of our greed, ambition, cowardice, or doubt. However, the twelve were not perfect either. Examples abound: Thomas was a doubter, John an opportunist, Peter a denier, Matthew a collaborator and tax collector. When I think of the failures found among those on whom the church is built, I can understand why He even calls those who are still working on developing patience.

Fr. Joe Landi is a Parochial Vicar at St. Cecilia Parish, San Francisco, the Archbishop’s Liaison to the Charismatic Renewal, the Editor of The San Francisco Charismatics, and the Board Chair of Sierra Point Credit Union, South San Francisco, which serves the Charismatic Renewal membership. Opinions expressed are his own.

You can contact Fr. Landi by e-mail at sfccr@slip.net, read other articles in the August Newsletter, or return to the Main Menu of this web site by clicking on the blue. © 1998, The San Francisco Charismatics, (ISSN 1098-4046). All rights reserved. The San Francisco Charismatics is a member of the Catholic Press Association of the Unites States and Canada.